Child to Adult Transition
This IS a Big Deal.
Great events are made so by the expectation of the profundity they celebrate:
A birth, a marriage, a death.
There is no time in a persons life that has a greater influence and affect than that period
betwixt child and adult.
Far from celebrating or recognising its difficulties and import we see it as " just teeagers"
A birth, a marriage, a death.
There is no time in a persons life that has a greater influence and affect than that period
betwixt child and adult.
Far from celebrating or recognising its difficulties and import we see it as " just teeagers"
I write in full knowledge that what I am saying may well be perceived as criticism of the parents of society. I have no intent of condemnation or blame but say, what I see, to be a truth of the attitudes that many people have towards children in their teenage years. There are elements to how we treat young people that at best fail to elicit their full potential and at worst do great damage to their future and that of society at large. These elements of behaviour are born of an attitudes exemplified in the lack of understanding at the magnitude of what is happening to children as they become adults we really need to look very closely at what we convey to children by our inaction.
A Stereotype Unappreciated
For many the term “teenagers” often evokes a stereotype image; moody recalcitrant youngsters that lazily stay in bed for half the day and party the night away with questionable friends. There is an almost universal accepted perception that such behaviour is just "a phase" that teenagers go through, often belittled by adults and some teenagers alike. The sometimes depressed moping behaviour is regarded as wingeing self-pity. I feel very strongly that "teenage angst" or whatever one chooses to call this period of a person’s life should not be dismissed as pejoratively as I feel is being done currently but that a full recognition of its importance be understood. To be honest, I find it incredulous that the processes of emotional maturation that children go through, appears to be neither taken seriously nor recognized for both its importance and at times the extreme emotional turmoil it can create. In our western culture it sometimes appears that the expected norm in relationship between parents and children is one of temporary estrangement where our children go off to "pupate" as it were within their own separated teenage culture hopefully to emerge as integrated adults in society at some later date.
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The Big Green "M".Throughout the coming sections there will be interactive elements in the writing denoted by a large green M. on clicking it, it will take you to an exesise or further reading. The M stands for maual, if you left click on this one you will have an explanation of the Mauel and what it is about
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A Child's Perspective
Not listened to, not understood, nagged at continuously, not trusted, controlled: having to do some things and prohibited from doing others, arguments and fights: growing-up is defiantly not always easy, but very one's experiences are different and not all children's experiences are like that all of the time.
I would like to think that in today's society (that I live in) most children experience a degree of a loving, secure home environment. In fact, compared historically I would suspect that with wealth and greater education our children enjoy the best upbringing there has ever been, that is not to say that this "best" is either universal or not without room for improvement. As to what an individual experiences will be, as I have said before, dependent on where and to whom we are born: the inescapable "birth lottery" of our existence. A lack of parenting skills, anxieties and stress caused by poverty can affect the home life of many. As has always been the case the differential of wealth (the current growing) plays it's part (in this lottery) both at home and more obviously globally. But even the "best" of parents are are still only human, events and circumstances can produce an environment where the aforementioned feelings can be the experiences by some children, if not most, at some point in childhood. The current pressured work ethos, experienced by many middle class parents can produce the stress and strains that wash out to the family as a whole and can give some justification to children feeling of secondary importance.
The relationship that an individual has with parents and other siblings can become very strained.
(This section continues child to adult transition but the next section take a look at the nature of the relationship between parents and child Go there now >Relationship: Parent/Child)
I would like to think that in today's society (that I live in) most children experience a degree of a loving, secure home environment. In fact, compared historically I would suspect that with wealth and greater education our children enjoy the best upbringing there has ever been, that is not to say that this "best" is either universal or not without room for improvement. As to what an individual experiences will be, as I have said before, dependent on where and to whom we are born: the inescapable "birth lottery" of our existence. A lack of parenting skills, anxieties and stress caused by poverty can affect the home life of many. As has always been the case the differential of wealth (the current growing) plays it's part (in this lottery) both at home and more obviously globally. But even the "best" of parents are are still only human, events and circumstances can produce an environment where the aforementioned feelings can be the experiences by some children, if not most, at some point in childhood. The current pressured work ethos, experienced by many middle class parents can produce the stress and strains that wash out to the family as a whole and can give some justification to children feeling of secondary importance.
The relationship that an individual has with parents and other siblings can become very strained.
(This section continues child to adult transition but the next section take a look at the nature of the relationship between parents and child Go there now >Relationship: Parent/Child)
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exercise 1 The Birth lottery.
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We all get to a time in our lives, usual around our teenage years, when we begin to have question about a whole load of things. Often the substance of our questioning is self-reflective as we become aware of ourselves in relation to the world we find ourselves in. I am beginning my look at child to adult transition by posing two such question:
What am I? and Why am I the way I am?
What am I? and Why am I the way I am?
exercise 2 What am I? (an exercise orientated for younger teens)
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Why am I who I am? > The Mechanisms .
This a large section that is mostly dealt with in interactive manual exercises, covering diverse topics such as: Philosophy and the imponderables, religion, Love,
We have "self awareness"
To start with we should understand an important aspect of being human, as opposed to any other animal: a part of “The human condition” and that is We have self-awareness.The French philosopher René Descartes alluded to this when penning his well known phrase “I think therefore I am”. We can perceive of ourselves as an abstract entity. It's like having the ability to sand outside of ourselves and look down at ourselves living our lives; like watching ourselves in a video except in our minds. The apparent simplicity of this awareness, the fact that we have lived with it all our lives and are seldom fully conscious of it, masks the depth of its enormity. By being conscious of our own existence we can evaluate ourselves in an abstract intellectual manner, we can and do in effect have a relationship with ourselves based on what we learn about ourselves. We can feel and have an opinion as to what we are like as a person (judge in part comparatively against those around us) and from all that we have been taught by our experiences.
In short we have a mechanism that allows us to be analytical about ourselves. However the fidelity of any analysis is only as good as the data given to be analysed.
To start with we should understand an important aspect of being human, as opposed to any other animal: a part of “The human condition” and that is We have self-awareness.The French philosopher René Descartes alluded to this when penning his well known phrase “I think therefore I am”. We can perceive of ourselves as an abstract entity. It's like having the ability to sand outside of ourselves and look down at ourselves living our lives; like watching ourselves in a video except in our minds. The apparent simplicity of this awareness, the fact that we have lived with it all our lives and are seldom fully conscious of it, masks the depth of its enormity. By being conscious of our own existence we can evaluate ourselves in an abstract intellectual manner, we can and do in effect have a relationship with ourselves based on what we learn about ourselves. We can feel and have an opinion as to what we are like as a person (judge in part comparatively against those around us) and from all that we have been taught by our experiences.
In short we have a mechanism that allows us to be analytical about ourselves. However the fidelity of any analysis is only as good as the data given to be analysed.
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Exercise 3 Why am I who I am?
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Why I am who I am? > Information/Data
Clearly the physical attributes and psychological propensities will be the purview of our genetic parental mix but most of what we become is the result of what we have learnt. The way we behave and interact with others belies the nature of what we have learnt, our learning experiences belies why we have learnt what we learnt.
Collecting the data for analysis:
The perception one has of oneself is the result of what we have been “taught.”
Every experiences or interaction, good or bad throughout our childhood
has given us information about who we are, what people are like and what life is about.
As children we had no control or say as to the nature of those experiences
You are, therefore, NOT responsible for what you were taught,
nor is that information necessarily accurate.
To use a computer analogy; If the years of teenage angst is the “running” of the program, then childhood was the “downloading/installing” of the program for life. Childhood experiences are not only stored as memories but they are also as information about ourselves. From all that we experience we learn facts about life and ourselves, from parents, friend’s, school and life in general. As well as the data about ourselves we also learn mechanisms- methods of dealing/processing particular stimuli. We learn how to react to various stimuli, when to laugh, when to cry, what is funny, what is sad, when to feel fear, and when to be happy.
So by experiencing life we learn about life and about ourselves.
The perception one has of oneself is the result of what we have been “taught.”
Every experiences or interaction, good or bad throughout our childhood
has given us information about who we are, what people are like and what life is about.
As children we had no control or say as to the nature of those experiences
You are, therefore, NOT responsible for what you were taught,
nor is that information necessarily accurate.
To use a computer analogy; If the years of teenage angst is the “running” of the program, then childhood was the “downloading/installing” of the program for life. Childhood experiences are not only stored as memories but they are also as information about ourselves. From all that we experience we learn facts about life and ourselves, from parents, friend’s, school and life in general. As well as the data about ourselves we also learn mechanisms- methods of dealing/processing particular stimuli. We learn how to react to various stimuli, when to laugh, when to cry, what is funny, what is sad, when to feel fear, and when to be happy.
So by experiencing life we learn about life and about ourselves.
We are the product of our environment
I’m told a grape of a particular type, will in general produce a wine, of a particular style, the specific character of that wine will depend on a multiplicity of influences, such as the soil, the temperature, the rainfall, and frosts etc. In the same way, individual people are shaped and moulded by their surroundings and experiences. Like our wine we gain the particular character set by our conditions, we see life tainted by idiosyncrasies of our environment.
I’m told a grape of a particular type, will in general produce a wine, of a particular style, the specific character of that wine will depend on a multiplicity of influences, such as the soil, the temperature, the rainfall, and frosts etc. In the same way, individual people are shaped and moulded by their surroundings and experiences. Like our wine we gain the particular character set by our conditions, we see life tainted by idiosyncrasies of our environment.
But!
Whereas with a wine we are looking to find a palatable drink, what do we want from our learning experiences? I would suggest that most of us (upon considering such a question) would come up with something along the lines of: we want the best accurate set of information about ourselves and a set of “correctly calibrated” mechanisms. The object being to give our children the tools for them to realise their full potential and be happy in themselves and with life. However like the grapes not all environments are quite the same; Most, if not all societies are made up of a strata of varying groups, mostly differentiated by wealth. A child brought up in a tough ghetto for instance, will be given a particular set of information relating to that environment, similarly a child brought up in a middle class environment will be given information relevant for that environment. So depending on where and to whom we live, the information we learn will be different. So is it “horses for courses” – one set of “rules” for one group of people and other “rules” for another group? Or is there universal set of "good" information?
I would like to point out what I feel is the nature of the process that is taking place. As I mentioned in Education earlier in this chapter, learning is an essential process of information being transferred for one generation to another, it is a very necessary evolutionary process of animal survival. From an animal, instinctual perspective we are brought up by an evolutionary devised mechanism designed to inculcate a the best "survival" tactics relevant to our environment. For a child coming from a tough environment the information learnt will be very different from one coming from a middle-class. The mechanism is designed to prepare the child with the best set of information for a particular adult life. So it is probably fair to say that the criteria for discerning what is the best relevant information to survive may well be different or even at odds with what would be the best set of information to fulfil my original objective: that of giving our children the tools for them to realise their full potential and be happy in themselves and with life. In suggesting that what we want from the collected data was the best accurate set of information about ourselves and a set of “correctly calibrated” mechanisms in order to achieve our objective I was looking from the perspective of what would be best for individual and not the from the instinctual that focusses of survival.
I have to concede that I am implying that the two perspectives: what's best for the child to be happy and reach its full potential and that of purely survival, are mutually incompatible. It must be recognised that there is a duality of purpose and that consequently there will be a criterial differential in determine that which is deem to be "good" data. Clearly from an evolutionary perspective the mechanism is very good at setting in place a process for survival and assuming that survival is the ultimate goal, all is well. But I would suggest that for the world to develop and become "better" we should look at limiting the negative effects of a purely survival approach and consequently look to have a more objective universal set of data to give our children.
I would like to point out what I feel is the nature of the process that is taking place. As I mentioned in Education earlier in this chapter, learning is an essential process of information being transferred for one generation to another, it is a very necessary evolutionary process of animal survival. From an animal, instinctual perspective we are brought up by an evolutionary devised mechanism designed to inculcate a the best "survival" tactics relevant to our environment. For a child coming from a tough environment the information learnt will be very different from one coming from a middle-class. The mechanism is designed to prepare the child with the best set of information for a particular adult life. So it is probably fair to say that the criteria for discerning what is the best relevant information to survive may well be different or even at odds with what would be the best set of information to fulfil my original objective: that of giving our children the tools for them to realise their full potential and be happy in themselves and with life. In suggesting that what we want from the collected data was the best accurate set of information about ourselves and a set of “correctly calibrated” mechanisms in order to achieve our objective I was looking from the perspective of what would be best for individual and not the from the instinctual that focusses of survival.
I have to concede that I am implying that the two perspectives: what's best for the child to be happy and reach its full potential and that of purely survival, are mutually incompatible. It must be recognised that there is a duality of purpose and that consequently there will be a criterial differential in determine that which is deem to be "good" data. Clearly from an evolutionary perspective the mechanism is very good at setting in place a process for survival and assuming that survival is the ultimate goal, all is well. But I would suggest that for the world to develop and become "better" we should look at limiting the negative effects of a purely survival approach and consequently look to have a more objective universal set of data to give our children.
A tribute: To a very insightful woman.
Dorothy Law Nolte, a writer and family counsellor whose ubiquitous inspirational poem, "Children Learn What They Live," was photocopied, circulated, anthologized and affixed to refrigerator doors worldwide for nearly two decades before she claimed rightful authorship of it in the 1970's.
She died on Nov. 6 2005 at her home in Rancho Santa Margarita, Calif. She was 81. In 1954, Mrs. Nolte, who wrote a weekly column on family matters for The Torrance Herald, a local newspaper, found herself on deadline and strapped for material. She composed a 14-line poem on childrearing that would become a mantra for millions of parents. In 1972, after discovering how big her poem had become, Mrs. Nolte copyrighted it. In 1998, she expanded it into a book, "Children Learn What They Live: Parenting to Inspire Values," written with Rachel Harris. The book has more than 3 million copies in print worldwide and has been translated into 18 languages, according to its publisher, Workman Publishing. Mrs. Nolte and Ms. Harris also collaborated on a sequel, "Teenagers Learn What They Live: Parenting to Inspire Integrity and Independence," published by Workman in 2002. This is an exert from the New York Times: D.L.Nolte. Poet writer. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/11/20/arts/20nolte.html?_r=0 |
Children Learn What They Live
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So What Would Bad/Good Data be?
Surely all parents would want the best for their children and very few parents would deliberately set out to damage them by give them bad information. The fact is that we are human and although we can conceive of perfection we can seldom achieve it, and no where more so in the act of child-raising. Parents too were children once and for many the "damage" done to them is perpetuated onto the next generation. I am not talking of overt abuse but I am suggesting that the set of information that goes to make up our children’s attitudes for later life is less than perfect. Nor am I suggesting that parents are the only influence on children, but society is made up of parents and the general mores of society perpetuates. Of course one could argue that life is tough for many and children do need to be able to cope with vagaries of their environment. I believe that for the world to change for the better we need to look very closely at the type of data we give our children; so we can give them the best help to make the transition from child-hood to adult-hood.
What we have been “fed” from the events and interactions from those around us in childhood, will determine what we think about ourselves and how we respond to particular circumstances. Perhaps not put better than in the poem of Dorothy Law Nolte:
(article courtesy New York Times)
Children Learn What They Live.
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn;
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight;
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy;
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty;
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient;
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence;
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate;
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice;
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith;
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself;
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to
find love in the world.
This is "why we are the way we are"?
Clearly the sentiments in the second half of this poem are very laudable and would definitely be of benefit to any and all children in terms of it being happy and reaching is full potential but it would not necessarily be of benefit from a survival point of view (depending on its environment). But in many ways this Poem is the answer to "Why am I the way I am"; not conclusively but certainly demonstrates that what we experience goes to determine attitudes we have towards ourselves. It shows there is a "cause and effect" to the outcome of child to adult transition and consequently it is not at the vagaries of chance.
What we have been “fed” from the events and interactions from those around us in childhood, will determine what we think about ourselves and how we respond to particular circumstances. Perhaps not put better than in the poem of Dorothy Law Nolte:
(article courtesy New York Times)
Children Learn What They Live.
If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn;
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight;
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy;
If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty;
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient;
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence;
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate;
If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice;
If a child lives with security, he learns to have faith;
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself;
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship, he learns to
find love in the world.
This is "why we are the way we are"?
Clearly the sentiments in the second half of this poem are very laudable and would definitely be of benefit to any and all children in terms of it being happy and reaching is full potential but it would not necessarily be of benefit from a survival point of view (depending on its environment). But in many ways this Poem is the answer to "Why am I the way I am"; not conclusively but certainly demonstrates that what we experience goes to determine attitudes we have towards ourselves. It shows there is a "cause and effect" to the outcome of child to adult transition and consequently it is not at the vagaries of chance.
Running The Program
Early in this writing I gave the computer analogy of childhood being the downloading of a program and the teenage years, the years of teenage angst/child to adult transition, being the “running” of that program, .
So what is happening? For the purposes of my discussion I have given my own definition of “teenage angst” as follows:
A definition for Teenage angst:The psychological and emotional effect on an individual when that individual first acquires sufficient self-awareness to process the experiences of their childhood. A process of "calibrating" the data from childhood experiences to give the individual a perspective on themselves, of others. and to the concept of life as a whole. Sometimes manifesting stereotypical behaviour of teenagers: truculent, moody and lazy. This process can be very traumatic dependent on the nature of the data to be processed and the availability of support.
https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Teenage_angst&redirect=no
In short, by the time our children reach their teenage years they are now mature enough to have an awareness of themselves: they are able to processes the data acquired from childhood. For the majority of teenagers most of the “calibrating” is done at an unconscious level, without much true awareness or understanding of what is happening. But for some it is the time of discovery, of exploration, particularly of thought, a time of philosophising. What is Philosophy?
So what is happening? For the purposes of my discussion I have given my own definition of “teenage angst” as follows:
A definition for Teenage angst:The psychological and emotional effect on an individual when that individual first acquires sufficient self-awareness to process the experiences of their childhood. A process of "calibrating" the data from childhood experiences to give the individual a perspective on themselves, of others. and to the concept of life as a whole. Sometimes manifesting stereotypical behaviour of teenagers: truculent, moody and lazy. This process can be very traumatic dependent on the nature of the data to be processed and the availability of support.
https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=Teenage_angst&redirect=no
In short, by the time our children reach their teenage years they are now mature enough to have an awareness of themselves: they are able to processes the data acquired from childhood. For the majority of teenagers most of the “calibrating” is done at an unconscious level, without much true awareness or understanding of what is happening. But for some it is the time of discovery, of exploration, particularly of thought, a time of philosophising. What is Philosophy?
Barking at the Balloons.
A personal look at Philosophy.
On the crisp clear air of a late summer’s dawn, Don Nicoly Korstoma, standing on his hind legs, erect and tall, announced his philosophy to the world in harsh yelps and barks. His wispy coat, swept back by a gentle breeze, shimmered in the iridescent light of a climbing sun. I watched him as he cocked his head from one side to the other, in the manner of perplexed curiosity, his gaze transfixed on the sky just above the horizon. For an hour or so this went on, and suddenly, perhaps fed up by the new phenomena, he retired to his comfy spot outside his kennel, head down between crossed front paws, but eyes still following the multicoloured orbs as they tracked across the morning sky. To anthropomorphis this event, I considered that my Russian wolf hound was, in his aristocratic way, philosophising; speculating on the unfathomable, his sudden retirement announcing the arrival of an imaginary design that explained for him the phenomena of the hot air balloons that invaded his morning view.
I enjoyed my anthropomorphic interpretation of Don’s antics. Not only because the notion of a philosophizing dog fitted his character but also, I felt that it represented a faithful paradigm that helps to illustrate a meaning for philosophy, “speculating on the unfathomable”. It is difficult to give a simple definition of Philosophy that on the one hand does justice to philosophy’s divers disciplines of today and yet still capture quite so succinctly what I believe is the historical the spirit of philosophy. - Speculating on the unfathomable.
At a time when man's understanding of his surroundings was still in its infancy, like Don Nicoly the early philosophers could have done little more than speculate on the mysteries of life that tantalized their insatiable curiosity but man initial ignorance, unlike Don Nicoly’s, was short lived when, what was speculation, became knowledge.
Such speculating or philosophising makes a starting point for thoughts on a given subject, a benchmark for others to foil against as it were. So in many ways philosophy can be seen as the vanguard to man’s knowledge. The plethora of scientific disciplines that we have today, owe their existence to the initiating speculative guesswork of yesterdays philosophers.
To wax lyrical for a moment- in a daydream I imagined a personified Philosophus as the tragic hero of a classical play, cursed by the Gods to be forever jilted, never to celebrate his marriage to one of the Knowlegia sisters. For whenever he is about to be wed to his betrothed she changes her mind and marries one of the Siencius brothers instead. Philosophy is the “speculation” and not the knowledge it’s self- that belongs to a science.
From my assertion that all knowledge has been initiated by the speculation of philosophy one might assume that philosophy, as the mother of all knowledge, could claim the pursuit of facts as one of its aspiration but in reality I would suggest that philosophy reflects a more human countenance!
On the crisp clear air of a late summer’s dawn, Don Nicoly Korstoma, standing on his hind legs, erect and tall, announced his philosophy to the world in harsh yelps and barks. His wispy coat, swept back by a gentle breeze, shimmered in the iridescent light of a climbing sun. I watched him as he cocked his head from one side to the other, in the manner of perplexed curiosity, his gaze transfixed on the sky just above the horizon. For an hour or so this went on, and suddenly, perhaps fed up by the new phenomena, he retired to his comfy spot outside his kennel, head down between crossed front paws, but eyes still following the multicoloured orbs as they tracked across the morning sky. To anthropomorphis this event, I considered that my Russian wolf hound was, in his aristocratic way, philosophising; speculating on the unfathomable, his sudden retirement announcing the arrival of an imaginary design that explained for him the phenomena of the hot air balloons that invaded his morning view.
I enjoyed my anthropomorphic interpretation of Don’s antics. Not only because the notion of a philosophizing dog fitted his character but also, I felt that it represented a faithful paradigm that helps to illustrate a meaning for philosophy, “speculating on the unfathomable”. It is difficult to give a simple definition of Philosophy that on the one hand does justice to philosophy’s divers disciplines of today and yet still capture quite so succinctly what I believe is the historical the spirit of philosophy. - Speculating on the unfathomable.
At a time when man's understanding of his surroundings was still in its infancy, like Don Nicoly the early philosophers could have done little more than speculate on the mysteries of life that tantalized their insatiable curiosity but man initial ignorance, unlike Don Nicoly’s, was short lived when, what was speculation, became knowledge.
Such speculating or philosophising makes a starting point for thoughts on a given subject, a benchmark for others to foil against as it were. So in many ways philosophy can be seen as the vanguard to man’s knowledge. The plethora of scientific disciplines that we have today, owe their existence to the initiating speculative guesswork of yesterdays philosophers.
To wax lyrical for a moment- in a daydream I imagined a personified Philosophus as the tragic hero of a classical play, cursed by the Gods to be forever jilted, never to celebrate his marriage to one of the Knowlegia sisters. For whenever he is about to be wed to his betrothed she changes her mind and marries one of the Siencius brothers instead. Philosophy is the “speculation” and not the knowledge it’s self- that belongs to a science.
From my assertion that all knowledge has been initiated by the speculation of philosophy one might assume that philosophy, as the mother of all knowledge, could claim the pursuit of facts as one of its aspiration but in reality I would suggest that philosophy reflects a more human countenance!
We are All Philosophers
Not everyone is a Plato or a Socrates and yet all of us are philosophers. I suspect that everyone, at some time in their lives, has considers the meaning or purpose of life. I certainly remember in my teenage years having deep discussions of wonderment at; the miracle of life, the existence of God, a belief in ghosts and aliens, the vastness of the universe and sometimes just the silence of experiencing a mystical moment, lying on ones back of a summers night pondering the immensity of the universe (and perhaps by contrast the insignificance of ourselves). Of course amongst those thought for us mortals would be beginning and endings: the glory and wonderment in a dawns rise or the sadness at the loss of a loved one. We Spent hours speculating on the hereafter, creating a homogeneous mixture of traditional and home spun religious philosophy, determined more by our individual predilections rather than an objective philosophical critique: a sort of philosophical pick and mix. All of which were as valid or as invalid as each other, as none were provable or disprovable. Such experiences, by my definition of philosophy, “Speculating on the unfathomable”, were philosophizing of the purest kind. However, what was happening in those discussions was not just ideal speculation, or for that matter the development of any great philosophical theorem, but I believe a necessary function was being played out. Like our ancient forbears trying to make sense of the world they live in, so too do we as individuals, as we become aware of ourselves as an abstract entity in the world we find ourselves in. This becoming aware possess is of momentous importance as the outcome of what we think influences the rest of our lives.
Whether, as a direct result of the a for mentioned philosophical discussions or not, I believe that at some point we all acquire a belief, based on an philosophical interpretation of ones reality and experiences. For some, this may be well considered and thought out, others may be "brainwashed" into the excepted norms of our family or society.
To a greater or lesser extent we become less philosophical as life goes on, in the sense that things become “set”: we tend conform to what is expected, as part of the integration in to a group and societal identity. We can tend to lose the enquiring philosophical mind of youth and with that the skills to maintain a philosophical attitude; a degree of honest self-awareness, an open, questioning mind, and perhaps a diminishment to a sense of wonder, as experiences are no longer new.
Whether, as a direct result of the a for mentioned philosophical discussions or not, I believe that at some point we all acquire a belief, based on an philosophical interpretation of ones reality and experiences. For some, this may be well considered and thought out, others may be "brainwashed" into the excepted norms of our family or society.
To a greater or lesser extent we become less philosophical as life goes on, in the sense that things become “set”: we tend conform to what is expected, as part of the integration in to a group and societal identity. We can tend to lose the enquiring philosophical mind of youth and with that the skills to maintain a philosophical attitude; a degree of honest self-awareness, an open, questioning mind, and perhaps a diminishment to a sense of wonder, as experiences are no longer new.
What are we left with?
This title might sound as if the processes of "sorting things out" comes to an end, which would not really be true but for most of us we do arrive at some form of resolution to the myriad conundrums that have vexed our teenage years: that allows us to take up the mantel of adult life.
We are left with is a set of attitudes:
An attitude towards ourselves and our perception of ourselves in terms how we fit into the world.
An attitude towards our fellow man, friends, family and to people in general.
An attitude towards life itself and notional qualities like fairness/justice (to some degree morality) and, a quantification of a value we put on life.
In our adult life everything we do or feel will reflect the nature of the values we have ascribed to each of those attitudes. (And of course the nature of the values will be based on the Data: what we have learnt/been taught from our life experiences and remember it is my contention that we are not responsible for what we have been taught.)
Children often end up having very low opinions about themselves; clearly there can end up being conflicts between being the "nice" aspects of what would be good for them (visa vi Nolte's poem)) realising their full potential and on the other hand that of the tougher more aggressive survival of school play ground say. They can end up being confused as to what they feel about themselves, not knowing who they really are: finding it difficult to identify with a group to belong to. Often hidden awareness manifest themselves emotionally: a sense of confusion, introversion, a sense of failure, aggression, self harm, drug abuse, alcoholism anger, legacies from childhood behavioural patterns. Such circumstances can make it very difficult for young people to have a positive outlook on themselves and life, so the values they can end up putting on theses "attitudes for life" can end up being jaded, cynical or negative.
One of the reasons I like being with younger people is that they tend to be more thinking about life, less "set" more open to ideas if not actually open minded, this of course makes them very influenceable which is both a good thing, in that the smallest of kindness and understanding can be of imminence importance and influence to them and or even but, conversely such openness can make them vulnerable to negative influence. The search of our children to find an accepting tribe with which to belong can lead them down undesirable unhelpful paths. As I suggest in Relationship: Parent &Child the importance of maintaining the relationship is paramount, The one most overriding expression that a child must feel no matter what it dose is that it is LOVED>
We are left with is a set of attitudes:
An attitude towards ourselves and our perception of ourselves in terms how we fit into the world.
An attitude towards our fellow man, friends, family and to people in general.
An attitude towards life itself and notional qualities like fairness/justice (to some degree morality) and, a quantification of a value we put on life.
In our adult life everything we do or feel will reflect the nature of the values we have ascribed to each of those attitudes. (And of course the nature of the values will be based on the Data: what we have learnt/been taught from our life experiences and remember it is my contention that we are not responsible for what we have been taught.)
Children often end up having very low opinions about themselves; clearly there can end up being conflicts between being the "nice" aspects of what would be good for them (visa vi Nolte's poem)) realising their full potential and on the other hand that of the tougher more aggressive survival of school play ground say. They can end up being confused as to what they feel about themselves, not knowing who they really are: finding it difficult to identify with a group to belong to. Often hidden awareness manifest themselves emotionally: a sense of confusion, introversion, a sense of failure, aggression, self harm, drug abuse, alcoholism anger, legacies from childhood behavioural patterns. Such circumstances can make it very difficult for young people to have a positive outlook on themselves and life, so the values they can end up putting on theses "attitudes for life" can end up being jaded, cynical or negative.
One of the reasons I like being with younger people is that they tend to be more thinking about life, less "set" more open to ideas if not actually open minded, this of course makes them very influenceable which is both a good thing, in that the smallest of kindness and understanding can be of imminence importance and influence to them and or even but, conversely such openness can make them vulnerable to negative influence. The search of our children to find an accepting tribe with which to belong can lead them down undesirable unhelpful paths. As I suggest in Relationship: Parent &Child the importance of maintaining the relationship is paramount, The one most overriding expression that a child must feel no matter what it dose is that it is LOVED>
One is always hearing of horrendously tragic damaging experiences that young people are brought up with and although my experiences were not of the magnitude of some, parts of my childhood (particularly at a private preparatory boarding school) was nonetheless a very damaging. I still live now with the effects, in fact it is only recently that I have felt and become more aware of the effects of what happened to me. For a long time I was just so unaware as to the extent of the damage, seeing the events that happened as normality.
I thought that much of the reason for writing was as a catharsis: a means of healing past events by understanding at an intellectual level what had happened to me but trying to intellectualise the pain that the child experienced dose not work. What I had got wrong was that the pain and loss need to be met first at an emotional level and cried over as well as an intellectual level. Notwithstanding my mistake in how to deal with the my past events, many good thoughts have come from my intellectual understanding of things. Because of my experiences during my teenage years is why I feel so passionately about this topic of writing.
Sisideas
I thought that much of the reason for writing was as a catharsis: a means of healing past events by understanding at an intellectual level what had happened to me but trying to intellectualise the pain that the child experienced dose not work. What I had got wrong was that the pain and loss need to be met first at an emotional level and cried over as well as an intellectual level. Notwithstanding my mistake in how to deal with the my past events, many good thoughts have come from my intellectual understanding of things. Because of my experiences during my teenage years is why I feel so passionately about this topic of writing.
Sisideas